WORK

So tonight reminded me what it is to be a waiter again. I have to admit that lately I've had it pretty cushy handling mainly large banquets with a full staff underneath me, or taking small private parties with low maintenance and high gratuity; but tonight I was swept back into the main arena of the tiny, tight, and over crowded Bistro on extremely busy Thursday night. We were showing a special presentation of a documentary about military family life down stairs and I have a sinking suspicion that half of the local air force base had discount admission. Needless to say about 70 people showed up an hour before the show expecting to be fed and happy within the course of 50 minutes or less, ridiculous in theory I quickly slip into Super Waiter mode.

For at least thirty minutes I become a living robot. We have no clear seating plan and I compose my tables mainly of what I can get to first. I'm splitting the restaurant right down the middle with another server and with the bartender that has grabbed four of the small tables situated against the wall. Everything goes rapidly with a very automated sense of personality. My tables aren't getting a normal sense of the real me as I make it plain and simple that this going to be quickie tonight, no small talk or ass kissing, just a wam bam thank you mam bout of excellent service. If I'm lucky i leave them with a sense of "How'd he do that?" as in a world of chaos their entrees seem to appear out of thin air, their drinks almost invisibly refill themselves, and the check arrives thirty seconds before they were thinking of asking for it. The only thing to suffer is my blind spot; a group of 8 sitting outside on the balcony. Losses have to be cut somewhere though when you're up to your eyeballs in it and besides they're a younger crowd and I've got them nice and lubricated before all is said and done. They'll be late for their movie but I've only charged them happy hour prices on their drinks which ended over an hour ago. So when all is said and done I'm content with 15% instead of my usual 20.

I would have made this blog more about the acrobatics of life as a waiter but someone already beat me too it. The blog is titled Waiter Rant, and it has since blossomed into a bestselling book by Steve Dublancia. I found it a hilarious and honest read and highly recommend it to everyone, even if you haven't ever experienced the thrill of the service industry. Check out the delightful blog too. http://waiterrant.net/