Out Of It

So haven't mentioned that I fell really hard at work the other night, slipped in some water on the floor and both feet went out from under me and I was left flat on my back. It didn't hurt so much yesterday, but this morning I awoke to a world of pain. I have a mild back ache on the best of days, but today I hardly felt like moving. So with the help of some industrial strength pain killers I'm now laid up and taking it easy for the night. Feeling light and woozy though so today's post is lacking any poetry for sure. Hopefully I'll be clearer tomorrow.

So Tired

Just plain exhausted tonight, calling it quits for this evening headed for sweet dreams.

Opening Night

Tonight was the opening night for the film Wonderful World at my work. I haven't had the chance to see it yet but what I can tell from the previews is that Matthew Broderick plays a broken, cynical man whose outlook on life is drastically changed by the addition of an unusual love interest, and we had the pleasure of having both Matthew and the director Joshua Goldin with us tonight at our premiere. I have actually had the privilege of waiting on Mr. Broderick about four times now because I worked at another fine dining establishment back when the film was originally being shot in Shreveport. He is an incredibly gracious and polite man who seems rather humble in person, the kind of person that really gives celebrities a good name. This might not be the type of movie I'd run out to see initially but after receiving such warm respect from it's star this evening I can't wait to see his work.

I PHONE !!!

 Oh yes I got one today. I am totally excited but feel kinda bad for finally joining the masses of the technology obsessed. I've spent all night playing with it though and I'm sure its thousands of applications can wash away my guilt in no time. I haven't had a toy this fun since I discovered masturbation! Now as soon as I learn how to use it there's gonna be a lot more cool shit on this blog. Stay tuned.

Had a friend from back in art class over tonight for some good times and a bottle of wine, and ended up going through some work from back in our photo shop days. So I thought I'd share. Enjoy.

 

Writers Block (but not really)

Every now and then I have one of those days where I feel like everything was on fast forward and I wasn't paying attention. don't get me wrong I was pretty productive today. I went to work, got caught up on some projects I've been managing. I went to see my bestie at the salon and got a smokin new do, which I'll have to take some pics of and update real soon. I even fixed dinner and went to the crack house, I mean bookstore. Yet all day I've been lost in my own thoughts it seems. My mind has been wandering and it could possibly be the first symptom of artistic fever. See inspiration doesn't strike me like some thunderbolt from upon high, its more like a slow gas leak inside my head until suddenly I'm in a fog and all that can focus on is sinking my teeth into an artistic project. (this may actually be ADD though, so if you're familiar get me some meds) Usually when I reach the precipice of creation though its 3 a.m. and I have to be at work in 4 hours. If I'm lucky when I succumb to such moods the work comes vigorously and smooth (I'm still talking about art here folks) but often I can fall out of this fever just like that. I've been known to work day and night on some things if I get on a good pace but I have a stack of potential pieces right now begging for attention. So maybe if the itch sets in to pick up the brush I'll revisit my land of forgotten toys, and have something original to share with you all real soon.

MAN MONDAY

Following yesterdays post some outtakes from upcoming issue of VMAN photo shoot by Bruce Weber.

 

SUNDAY Lost in my mind

Late as usual for a weekend post. I spent most of today doing nothing in particularly grand. I did do some light cleaning and mustered up the gusto to cook a fine supper but most of the day was spent wandering around the house with a book in my hand. It sounds so ridiculous I know but reading for me is almost like a bad habit. some people veg out in front of the tube, some people shop too much, some people spend every second glued to the computer screen. I am a book-oholic. Yes get me within fifty yards of a Borders or a Barnes and Noble and watch my pulse quicken and my hands start to sweat. I will read practically anything and when I do get immersed, especially in a series, I find myself wondering in and out of story even in my mind. So while today wasn't much on the productive scale I did find myself sailing in the Aegean sea, philosophizing  my soul with a  dashing vampire, looking for secret passages in the halls of Hogwarts, and following a yellow brick road to see the house that landed on my sister; in all its been exhausting. My jaunt back into the real world will practically be a breeze. Now if I can only figure out what book I'll take to work with me.

Domestic

Today turned out to be cool, cloudy, damp, and eventually raining so I've spent the majority perusing the aisles of Target, excuse me Targay, where of course I was destined to run into a fair handful of this small city's gay community. I really hate running into most people at places there is definitely a forced feeling about making small talk and swapping pleasantries, and at a grocery store its so exposing. Acquaintances get a good look in your basket to see if you stock the pantry with wheat grass and protein shakes or Twinkies and ding dongs. While most everyone I ran into carried a small hand basket with their hair gel and soy milk I had a full cart of real food! I know what a thought right! They marveled at how domestic I was. I like to cook and if I don't say so myself I'm pretty damn good at it. I bought fixins to make a wonderful three cheese tortellini with bacon and pesto, porcine mushroom won ton purses, a thin crust pizza dough, with artichokes, sun-dried tomatoes, mushrooms and parmesan cheese, and ingredients for a home-made minestrone soup, along with a dozen or so other delicious but healthy things. Of course when I got home I was a little exhausted from the running around all day and the roommate wasn't hungry, so I had leftovers. Cest la Vie!

FAN tastic

Today could very well be a repeat of yesterday where I won't find myself at home again in time to make a post, so I wanted to share a few fan pics of an artist I've been following for a couple of years. His name is Jeffree Star and he is a pseudo-drag queen, techno-pop star. I just bought his new album Beauty Killer at the local FYE and was surprised at the wonderful mix sugar candy beats and Marilyn Manson-esque lyrics. With song like Louis Vutton Body Bag and Love Rhymes With Fuck You, its different but definitely worth checking out.

 

THURSDAY (make up work)

I finally outright missed a day of posting. I didn't even think to post before leaving for work because I assume I'd get home in plenty of time. In actuality helped the roommate house sit for a friend last night and after we shared a good bottle of wine I was in no mood for heading home. It struck me though quite abruptly that I didn't want to be away from him. I've grown so accustomed to our co-habitation that I miss him when he's gone, and that in itself scares the hell out of me. Never one to stay in one place to long I know he is unhappy here, and I am not sure if his continued presence stems from a lack of options on his part or a commitment to me. Every time he mentions somewhere else he'd like to go or how he'd like to take off I get a stitch in my chest, a sudden panic that makes me dread being left behind. I don't know what to think about it really. I hate to think that companionship has now become one of my other dependencies. If that is the case I'd rather stick to heavy drinking.

Straight Men?

Tonight we had the most awesome time just hanging out with a new found friend. The roommate and I had a mutual acquaintance that he new through photography and I knew through work, and we had him over to the house tonight. Nothing fancy really, in retrospect I should have whipped us up a great dinner, but I was exhausted after work and my quick afternoon nap left me waking up around seven in the evening. We just sat around and chatted, drank tea and smoked cigarettes. I know it is partly because this guy was interesting, creative, and exuberant, that I found myself so attracted to him. I mean don't get me wrong he was cute as hell too, like one of those college boys with a trim beard, the type that would wear maybe a corduroy blazer over a vintage tee-shirt, yum.

The more and more I thought about it, the more I wondered why I get along so well with straight men? I had a great time just last weekend hanging out with my male co-workers too. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not talking about hanging out with BUTCH men, but just average joes. I really like hanging out with the guys, and as long as they don't have a problem with me being "the gay guy" I am absolutely myself around them. When I look back I see several instances where my relationship partners exhibited less than "gay" characteristics too. I don't think its about gender roles either I mean you can be the Butch-but I'm NOT the Bitch, in contrast I tend to take the lead role in all past couplings. I'm not trying to be down on my gay brethren either, I mean Gurlll you wanna go shopping, call me, but when it comes to rules of attraction I find myself wanting so much a straight-like guy that also gives good head. And hell this is probably a gospel most gays are singing but its confusing as trigonometry when you're trying to figure out the keys to your happiness. Sigh, whats a boy to do?

If You Want it Done Right.....

Today I decided to take long overdue matters in my own hands. I felt very proactive from the very start of my day. I went into work and decided to conquer the issues that make my day to day so hectic and chaotic. I set up my event nice and thoroughly, and then sat down to iron out the overall issues that keep occurring with the staff. I set up a dress code, code of conduct, a list of duties and responsibilities; I'm now doing the work my boss should be doing; but its so overdo I couldn't stand it anymore. In the service industry these kind of things can have swift results though. After presenting my ideas to management I was informed I would be receiving a new title and a minor raise. Wow, Who knew right?

I even spent the evening with a quasi-new friend. A really cool girl with pink hair from a previous art class. We had a great meal, good wine and saw Dr. Parnassus for a second time with some of her friends. Not exactly my comfort zone, but I had fun. I hope this take charge feeling can stay with me for a long time to come.

MAN MONDAY

The day almost went by without me fulfilling my promise for an extra erotic Man Monday. I'll let these pictures speak for themselves and reveal a little bit of one my personal erotic fantasies; climbing his corporate ladder.
Enjoy.

Sunday Sermon

Tonight on my way home from my mother's house I said, fuck it, I don't feel like making an entry tonight, and if I did it wouldn't be a very good one. I then reminded myself that I made a commitment to doing this once a day for at least a year. I wanted to get the thoughts crowding up my head into the open where I felt they could breathe. I also wanted to, in some way, hear my own voice, even if nobody is listening. I keep saying the same thing to myself over and over again; "This is your life, so stop waiting for it to start." I have to do something, life isn't going to start when I find a boyfriend, when I lose 20lbs, when I choose a career. Life is passing me by and I'm staring longingly at it; like living is something I forgot how to do. I don't know where along the road I lost the vivaciousness I had as a younger adult but by god I'm going to try and find it again, because I can't let the days go by just getting by. I want to Live again.

(And I'll make up for all my mopey-ness tomorrow with a very sexy Man Monday)

Missing Something

 

Today I find myself really missing something I'm never sure I really had. A few months ago I began a long correspondence with a guy who is in the military and over seas. The irony of all ironies is that he seems to have everything I'm longing to have in a partner and yet he is willingly bound to something I can't relate to or am even sure I agree with. My lifetime pursuit is to find real love, so when something in front of you seems so close to it do you compromise or do you pursue something easier for you? As the time draws nearer for us to be together, we draw farther apart, and now I worry a lot about what I've gotten into. Why can't life be like a love story from the movies?

Busy Busy

Looks to be a busy night and I don't want to miss my routine post so I'm leaving some of my favorite man candy. Enjoy.

WORK

So tonight reminded me what it is to be a waiter again. I have to admit that lately I've had it pretty cushy handling mainly large banquets with a full staff underneath me, or taking small private parties with low maintenance and high gratuity; but tonight I was swept back into the main arena of the tiny, tight, and over crowded Bistro on extremely busy Thursday night. We were showing a special presentation of a documentary about military family life down stairs and I have a sinking suspicion that half of the local air force base had discount admission. Needless to say about 70 people showed up an hour before the show expecting to be fed and happy within the course of 50 minutes or less, ridiculous in theory I quickly slip into Super Waiter mode.

For at least thirty minutes I become a living robot. We have no clear seating plan and I compose my tables mainly of what I can get to first. I'm splitting the restaurant right down the middle with another server and with the bartender that has grabbed four of the small tables situated against the wall. Everything goes rapidly with a very automated sense of personality. My tables aren't getting a normal sense of the real me as I make it plain and simple that this going to be quickie tonight, no small talk or ass kissing, just a wam bam thank you mam bout of excellent service. If I'm lucky i leave them with a sense of "How'd he do that?" as in a world of chaos their entrees seem to appear out of thin air, their drinks almost invisibly refill themselves, and the check arrives thirty seconds before they were thinking of asking for it. The only thing to suffer is my blind spot; a group of 8 sitting outside on the balcony. Losses have to be cut somewhere though when you're up to your eyeballs in it and besides they're a younger crowd and I've got them nice and lubricated before all is said and done. They'll be late for their movie but I've only charged them happy hour prices on their drinks which ended over an hour ago. So when all is said and done I'm content with 15% instead of my usual 20.

I would have made this blog more about the acrobatics of life as a waiter but someone already beat me too it. The blog is titled Waiter Rant, and it has since blossomed into a bestselling book by Steve Dublancia. I found it a hilarious and honest read and highly recommend it to everyone, even if you haven't ever experienced the thrill of the service industry. Check out the delightful blog too. http://waiterrant.net/

Movie Night

Today has came and went with nothing much to remark on so tonight I'm going to try and escape all this boring reality with a very trippy movie. The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus which nobody seems to have heard of unless you mention that it was Heath Ledger's last film, promises to be if nothing else a visual wonderland. Heard mixed reviews on the plot of the movie, but like most art I'm sure you probably don't "get it" the first time around. Well we shall see.

My Neck, My Back, My.......no thats all

Today was a beautiful day. The temperature was up, the sun was shining, the pipes are fixed, the water is back on, the water heater is fixed, even the washing machine decided to work again. Yeah! I rolled out of bed and OWW! Owwwww OWwwwww OWwwww!!!!!

I was in a wrenching, seizing, throbbing world of pain. At first I thought I was just stiff. Lets face it I wake up "stiff" one way or another every morning ;) but when I tried to move any part of my right shoulder or neck  waves up pain would course through my body. So instead of getting up and seizing the day I took a handful of ibuprofen, which will probably give me an ulcer the size of Texas, and lay in bed for the next several hours. Now I'm up and shuffling through the motion slightly numbed, but feeling like I'm wearing an invisible upper body cast lined with hot nails. I think a long hot soak in the tub is in order;

but I wouldn't turn down a deep tissue massage if there are any volunteers.

MAN MONDAY

Well until I can quite grapple an idea to flagship this blog I think I'll follow an all too classic pattern and do a "sexy guy a week" thing; but who am I really kidding I try to include a sexy guy in each post if I can. To start out this collection of man candy I think I'm going to go a lil unconventional and make my first Man Monday the sexiest 12 foot, blue alien, with a ponytail I've ever seen Sargent Jake Sully from the amazing new movie AVATAR .

Tall, trim, swimmers build body; defined arms and taught legs; and a Long, Thick, Black....ponytail thingy that can feel the inside of you. If this is life on other planets then "Mommy I really DO want to be an astronaut!"

His inner human aint so bad either. Budding sci-fi star Sam Worthington made this CGI sexpot all the more delicious on screen. I can't wait to see him star in the up-coming Clash of the Titans.

Busted SUNDAY

OK chose today's picture because my big day off really went to pieces. It just seems like in life its one thing after another. After spending last night listening to the water gush from the broken pipes that finally decided to thaw after being frozen for two days, my landlady and Mr. fix it decided to show up to fix the problem. So after working all day on them I finally got water back on only to learn that my washing machine now doesn't work, and in the process of repairs they've managed to break the hot water heater too. Lovely. So once again something in my life needs repairing. I guess I let these little things distract me so that I forget to worry about me. I'm still trying to come up with a goal for my blogging, and despite being tardy today, my mini-goal of posting everyday seems to be pretty much on track. I think if today has had any significance to me its that I have to stop waiting to get over life's little problems because as soon as you solve one there's another hurdle waiting for you around the bend.

COLD!!!!!

Nothing much else to say about today. Weather conditions have forced me, the roommate, and the cats, to move entirely into the front living rooms for better warmth. The apartment being as old and drafty as it is can't keep a decent heat unless it is confined to only part of the house. Anyways we should manage. Today I discovered that the water lines to the washing machine and one of the pipes to the tub both froze up. Hopefully we'll thaw out soon. I hate being forced out of my own bed by the bitch slap of winter. Nothing like sleeping on the couch :-\